e-morts

Obro el correu acumulat. Vàries pàgines. Alguns em responen correus que mai he enviat (Re: I'm sorry); d'altres em venen drogues o em prometen fortunes instantànies. Caic en el parany i em miro un forward, un power point que sembla fet per una escisió integrista dels Hare Krishna... I finalment, l'ensurt: una cíberesquela. No sé si és un spam, però jo a aquest "Conrado" (QEPD) no el conec de res. De fet, no conec cap Conrado.

A mi les esqueles no m'agraden massa. L'Umberto Eco diu que és l'única part dels diaris que no llegeix amb ulls crítics. I alguns sociòlegs li han dedicat estudis més o menys rigorosos. García Sandoval va realitzar una Tesi Doctoral sobre les esqueles en El Mundo, dirigida per Camilo José Cela. Fins i tot, pot arribar a formar part d'una exposició. En la mostra que el CCCB dedicarà als 125 anys de La Vanguardia (comissionada pel gran Màrius Carol) han tingut l'encert de destinar un espai a l'evolució dels darrers adéus. Algunes d'elles són antològiques, com aquesta publicada el 2003:

"[Fulano de Tal] Amigos, pocos. Parientes, demasiados. Nota: El texto, hasta aquí, se ciñe con exactitud a lo redactado por el difunto para su propia esquela. Nunca te sentiste querido porque no confiabas en nadie. Solo pudiste confiar en [tres noms] y, a través de ellos te habrás reconciliado contigo mismo, con el mundo y con tu sobrina [l'anomenen], que de pequeña siempre te necesitó tanto y nunca se atrevió a decírtelo. Y aunque no me crees , nunca te podremos olvidar”.

Però això de les esqueles en els diaris o les estampetes dels enterraments (força kistch, no ho podem negar) està condemnat a la desaparició. Espero que els spams d'esqueles no es generalitzin. I suposo que qualsevol dia arribaran als avisos de defuncions per mòbil o per PDA. Temps al temps. Per anar obrint boca, podeu visitar el web necròpoli, que llista els noms dels finats ordenats per províncies (que ja té la seva versió catalana en proves). També existeixen ja els cementeris virtuals on no et roben els rams de flors. Per als que necessiten un referent físic, poden convertir les cendres del mort en un bell diamant, de moment amb dissenys clàssics, però aviat amb una versió Agata Ruiz de la Prada o Tous. Algunes funeràries tenen pàgines web on pots consultar les esqueles, enviar e-condols o seleccionar els objectes mortuoris on line.

Algunes iniciatives han fracassat. No sé si recorden la idea dels emails postmortem: una empresa es comprometia a enviar els correus que els clients redactessin com a "darrera carta". Com sabia l'empresa que estava mort?. Si el client no activava una clau durant un temps prudencial, llavors el sistema enviava els mails suposadament postmortem. El problema va ser que molts correus es van activar quan no debien (per error, per oblit, per accident) i van generar un allau d'ensurts, de declaracions d'amor inoportunes o de confessions abans d'hora. Torno a mirar-me la cíberesquela i ara no sé què fer. L'envio a la paperera de reciclatge?.

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Anònim ha dit…
ostias Donaire. Avui t'has aixecat morbós. He rigut molt...
ZAGASO ha dit…
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Es rifen conselleries i m'agradaria tenir un amic conseller!!!!

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